The Dreaded Fridge Purge
We had to wait until Garbage Day to do the Fridge Purge, for logistical reasons. I shouldn’t even say “we,” since I had nothing to do with it. The credit belongs to 11-year-old Bunny, who found a non-perverted way to prove that he’ll do anything for money.
Lucky for you, I donated the batteries from my digital camera to Ninja on Christmas Morning so he could make his new robot walk across the floor, so I have no photographic evidence to share from our refrigerator-cleaning experience. Chances are the HazMat Team would have confiscated it, anyway.
The most embarrassing item was a carton of cottage cheese WAAAAAAAY back in the back behind everything, dated August 27, 2007. I was immediately reminded of the scene in “Naked Gun” when Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley are looking for something to eat in his fridge, and he finds some Chinese takeout, and she says, “I thought this place closed 3 years ago!” OK nothing was 3 years old, but let’s just say Chef Gordon Ramsay would have been dropping a few F-bombs on me.
There was one cucumber so limp not even Viagra could have saved it. And I didn’t even check the date on this one half-full bottle of Greek Salad Dressing. (Note to Husband: If this was yours and current, I’m sorry…but the object of this exercise was to throw out anything that looked gross…sooooo….) And one scientific question we have…since there’s mold in yogurt, how can you tell if your yogurt has gone bad?
One of the drawbacks of trying out cool recipes so often is that you get stuck with weird ingredients you don’t use regularly. Some of these things don’t have date stamps, like Sushi Vinegar and Liquid Smoke. How do you decide in a case like that? Can vinegar go bad? I think I’ve only used Liquid Smoke one time, but seasonings, sauces, spices are expensive to replace…We pitched them both anyway.
My house may be out of control, but at least I know my fridge isn’t anymore. I don’t have time to watch Oprah, and I think FlyLady is slightly insane…maybe one small step at a time, with my son and a wad of $1 bills to encourage him, is really the best way to approach this.
Eating at the Improv
Next time I’m doing major cooking in the kitchen, I should probably figure out the difference between what I *think* we have in the house, versus what we actually have, and whether what we have is usable. Clearly, I am due for a fridge purge when the mayonnaise was stamped, “Best if used by January 12, 2008.” Yikes! (I’m still convinced that was a typo because we didn’t buy it all that long ago…or…did we?) No mayonnaise!?!?! CRAP!!! The crab cakes call for 1 cup, the mushroom caps call for 1/2 cup, and the devilled eggs call for 1/3 cup. I needed the whole freekin’ jar…
This either called for The Husband to run to the store YET AGAIN after just trudging home from there earlier in the day. And who am I to further disturb his slow march to Level 80 on World of Warcraft? Mayonnaise, Schmayonnaise…I’m creative. I decided to improvise (and make a mental note that my 11-year-old is due to make a fridge purge over the weekend…he’s the only one brave enough).
Saving the Crab Cakes…
The previously-posted recipe for crab cakes called for 1 cup of mayonnaise. After double-checking the date stamps on the other condiments because I’m now paranoid, I added instead of mayonnaise:
- 3T of A-1 steak sauce
- 2T of French’s yellow mustard
- 2 shakes of garlic salt
- extra parsley
- a tiny pinch of crushed red pepper
- 3T of shredded parmesan cheese (idea borrowed from the Stuffed Mushrooms recipe…)
- a few more shakes of black pepper.
The Result: Family decided that this was the best batch of crab cakes I’ve ever made. The consistency was perfect, and because of the cheese, they fried easier and faster than ever. My instincts seem to have been right on with this one.
Saving the Stuffed Mushrooms…
The posted recipe called for 1/2 cup of Mayonnaise…here’s what I used instead:
- 1/2 T Tupperware-brand blended seasonings, garlic flavor
- I left out the lemon juice
- I doubled the amount of A-1 steak sauce (my stock substitution for Worcestershire sauce)
- 1-1/2 teaspoon of Hungarian paprika (yes, it makes a difference…just like the difference between Mexican vanilla and McCormick from your grocery store)
- 2 eggs
The Result…Again, a winner. The kids even noticed they’d never seen these gobbled up so quickly, (even though my 4-year-old did feed his to the dog). YESSSSS!!!!
Saving the Devilled Eggs.
This was a trickier proposition because the mayonnaise is the ingredient chiefly responsible for the filling’s creamy consistency. Hmmm….here’s what I added instead of mayonnaise:
- doubled the mustard used from 1/2t to 1t
- 1/2t of Hungarian paprika in the mix, not just for sprinkling over at the end
- 1t A-1 steak sauce (at this point, what the heck I already had it out…)
- 4T milk (This was my big risk…I was pleased to see that the egg yolks seemed to sop the milk right up, and the mix had an appropriate consistency after that)
- 1/4t garlic salt
The Result: Edible, but not as good as other times I’ve made them, according to my 11-year-old expert. He said something about the consistency was “off,” but he couldn’t say how. His 13-year-old sister completely disagreed, but then she didn’t eat half as many as he did.
I love to experiment in the kitchen (especially when the result works out!!!), but sometimes it’s even cooler when not having something forces the experiment. I feel that I’ve grown in my abilities. I did not, however, made Crepes Suzette once I realized we had no flour (how can you run out of FLOUR???). That will have to wait. I suspect my next post in the Food category might have something to do with a fridge purge. Until then, here’s a challenge…everybody go through their fridge and tell us what’s the oldest thing you found?
New Year’s Food, 2009
There are three times per year I tend to outdo myself in the kitchen. One is Oscar Night, one is my husband’s baseball draft in April, and the other is New Year’s. (This year I’ll undoubtedly be adding Inauguration Day!) Now that I have a blog, I can share all my recipes! Granted, most are pulled from the internet, but I promise you’ll love them!
There is no better site on the internet for recipes than Allrecipes.com. I completely swear by it. So without further ado, here’s what’s on the McDonald Family Menu for the 2009 New Year’s Feast!!! The way this works is, the kids clean up around the house and in return, I have to cook them whatever they want. Here’s what they chose this year:
Crab Cakes (One year I had extra crab meat left over from the mushrooms and decided to make them into crab cakes. My daughter LOVES these, and if you have leftovers, they can replace a beef hamburger on a bun with ketchup, mustard, onions, etc.)
Deviled Eggs (A particular favorite of my 11-year-old son, though, for the rest of the night you want to be sitting on the opposite side of the room due to the resulting fumes…)
Crab-Stuffed Mushrooms (This is a recipe I use New Year’s, Oscar Night, AND for the baseball draft. It’s that yummy. They don’t fridge or re-heat well, however, so if you have any left, toss them.)
Crepes Suzette (This being a base crepe recipe which I then make into Crepe Suzette by adding orange peel and a teaspoon of orange juice, and make orange butter and orange sauce including Grand Marnier for the flambe effect when served. This is something I only do on New Year’s Day, and have finally done this enough years that people are looking forward to it.)
Thai Curry Chicken (I stumbled onto this in Parents’ Magazine around October, and it got RAVE reviews from my family. It has become a staple and a favorite.)
Happy New Year! I wish everyone a great 2009 complete with great people, great times, and GREAT FOOD! Bon Appetit!
Hungry-Bitch
(or, an Open Letter to the Hungry-Man Dinner Company of Allentown, PA)
Dear Sirs:
(And I am quite sure you are in fact Sirs because no woman would allow a corporate moniker as blatantly sexist as Hungry-Man Dinners.)
You are missing an excellent marketing opportunity.
When it comes to eating, literally, I am no lightweight. Ask my ass. I am one of these women who goes to fancy lunch parties and puts no more than three cucumber-and-watercress finger sandwiches on my plate and pleasantly converses with the other ladies…then stops off at Five Guys on the way home for a serious burger. I am someone who would politely eat a tiny salad in front of a date, then down a pint of Ben and Jerry’s when I get home. I am not dainty, I am not delicate. When I am hungry, I want food.
You with your manly-man notions of Hungry-Man Dinners are missing out on the half of us that want the portions but not the Virile Buffalo Chicken or the Macho Pressed Ribs with a Brownie. My suggestion? Hungry-Bitch Dinners: for the Bitch with the Gastric Itch.
Take all the pleasant, ladylike entrees offered by an estrogen-centric company like Lean Cuisine, multiply the portion size by 1.5, use cheap-ass, barely edible ingredients like those you’re currently using, and there you have it. Just because I am a woman does not mean I am not as hungry as a man, dammit. I may be fat, but at least I’m honest. When not on dates. Which I’m not, anymore. But I digress.
Just because you think Macho Pressed Ribs with a Brownie is more appropriate to a man…maybe, just once, a guy would like to eat Chicken Tenders with Gingered Snow Peas outside the privacy of his own home, and without having his sexuality questioned. You know, breaking gender barriers is a very “in” thing this year, and I’d rather not feel like a lumberjack just because I am eating something called “Hungry-Man.”
You could make money hand over fist with this thing. Not solely because you would save money for all those women who are secretly having to eat TWO Lean Cuisines to keep from starving, but because for once, you’d be the company that FINALLY has the brass to break ranks with the skinny-minnie, fat-hating stereotypes, and stand up and say, “We know that women like to eat, too, and women should not be punished for being hungry, or have to force themselves to go hungry for appearances’ sake. It’s OK for healthy women to have good appetites and we’re gonna deliver the best, most filling and most satisfying frozen dinner you can buy for $3.59. You’re our kind of Hungry Bitch. Here’s some frickin’ FOOD.”
The desired width of my ass being totally at odds with the size of my appetite is another issue for another day. When I believe that weight loss is truly attainable, and in a way that doesn’t result in either unrelenting misery or a surgery with a 25% mortality rate which insurance rarely covers, I’ll re-visit the cucumber and watercress. But for now, pass the gravy…I’m one Hungry Bitch. 😉
HeidiWrites 